Post-Modern Bliss

In retrospect, I think I can actually say I’m glad to have done so much post-modernism at university. Post-modern literary theories, post-modern therapy methods… It can be a bit of a self-defeating philosophy which runs itself into the ground at some points (but there may be a different blog for that whole topic!) Nevertheless, it holds at its heart the notion that reality is subjective, and every person’s perspective is just as valid as the next.

Ever since I kinda diagnosed myself with the OCD, I’ve been consciously trying to distract myself from the obsessive thinkings. For one, I’ve already stopped obsessing over my tattoo. I realised that, essentially, what is on my back is my own version of a design that I liked. My own energy and my own time went into designing a version of a tattoo that can be seen on the back of a member of my all time favourite music group. They’re almost identical, but not quite. And I’m okay with that. I realised that most people really are indifferent to tattoos, so even if I know (and you know) the true stories behind it, most people probably wouldn’t even ask. Come to think of it, I agree. When I see a tattoo on someone I know, I can admire it or hate it, but very rarely do I kick up a fuss about wanting to know its significance and its meanings etc. I Suppose it’s only natural: people are always more interested in their own affairs than the affairs of others. So, for now, it stays where it is! And I’m happy with that.

I decided to clean up my act a bit with the weed. For the whole of next week (being the week of Christmas!!) I am going to be on the coast, and I was entertaining the idea of being high on the beach, lying in the sun and eating ice cream. But then I remembered that, when you want to do something, there’s no time like the present, and I thought about how I keep delaying to stop smoking… I mean, the other day, I took all that I had and put it into a metal box which I locked. I wrapped it in plastic and cellotape and walked all the way to the ravine to hide it under the wheel flap of an old ‘60s truck. I would have to have been desperate to go all the way back to retrieve it: which I did…
So tonight, when mom and dad went out, I smoked my spliffs and made a nice fire to sit by and get high. I decided that it was time to get rid of the stuff, and I watched it all burn away in a plume of bitter-sweet smelling smoke…

I will be the first to admit that I don’t live the way I really want to, and it’s no good getting high and fantasising about the kind of guy I want to be one day. I need to start now, to become the guy that I am! So with the weed out the way, and my eyes looking forward (as opposed to behind to obsess over my tattoo) I’ve decided to get my act together, once and for all. This will hopefully be the last of my overly obsessive blogs, but not the last blog altogether. I’ve just got to think of some other things to write about. But expect great things!